Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
