I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
even my farts smell like vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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