I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
