The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
