So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
