someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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