i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
