There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
