I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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