I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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