Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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