why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
