so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
