Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
