Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
