ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
