New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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