so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
