Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
