Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
