i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
