Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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