If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
