Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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