And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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