Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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