i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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