I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
