I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
