when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
