I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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