There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
