if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she pinky promised me she was 18
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
