she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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