i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
