can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have aggressive nipples.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
