You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
