So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
