i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
