So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
