Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
