i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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