It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
