well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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