just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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