I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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