I just cut my nipple shaving
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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