IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
