I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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