I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
