let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
