Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
